Angel Boy
by bookchic23
Summary: Matt promised he'd stay with Mello forever. Oneshot, MxM. Written for the anniversary of their deaths.


I never really started off attached to anything. I vaguely remember a mom, but emphasis on _vaguely_. When I was brought to Wammy's, I would mostly just sit there, alone, fiddling with anything electronic I could get my hands on. I like using electronics. Whenever I'm playing a game or online, I feel like my mind's in some kind of lull, like I'm safe, and everything's perfect. Nothing else in the world held any real value for me.

I think the first real person that I really loved, if you could call it that, was Aerith, from Final Fantasy 7. Don't look at me like that, I know it's weird. I first played the game when I was, like, six. But I loved how beautiful and sweet and gentle she was. She just seemed like some beautiful and perfect thing to me.

It literally broke my heart when she died. I started crying and screaming at the screen. All of the kids were giving me weird looks. But I didn't even care. I felt like she'd taken from me, and nothing could ever bring her back.

I think I made a promise to myself after that I'd never let anyone I loved ever die again. It was a stupid, little kid promise. There wasn't anyone I really even knew, at that point.

Then you came along.

I'd seen you around before, but had never really paid attention to you. But when we were assigned to be roommates, I was glad. I didn't say much of anything when you first moved in, but I was. In my head, I sort of made you into that person I was going to protect. I dunno why, I just wanted someone, I guess. Maybe I wanted a purpose. So, I decided then that I'd hold on to you and protect you forever. Or something like that.

So we grew up together. I was always right behind you. We played, had lessons, laughed at stupid stuff-you know, like kids do. As I started to get older, I began to notice girls. Just from a distance, mind you. But the only guy I was ever really interested in was you.

God, have you ever realized just how impossibly beautiful you are?

You probably have. Knowing you, you've probably used it to your advantage in the past, too.

I didn't really figure out that I was bi till a little while longer. But I noticed you. To me, you were beautiful, perfect. An angel of a boy.

You were loud, angry, and competitive. You did everything in extremes, no grey areas to spare. Like a loose cannon. Fucking crazy.

But I didn't care. You fascinated me.

I didn't feel the need to say anything to you. I was just happy being near you, in your life. I thought I had all the time in the world.

Well…I didn't.

You just-left one day. Without even telling me. They'd called me in later, to say that L had died, and I figured that must've been why you took off- you would want to beat Near. You would want revenge.

But still-you just _left_ me here.

Did I even _matter_ to you? At all?

To say I was upset after that doesn't do it justice. I clammed up. I stayed in my room (just my room, now), placating myself with my games until I'd beaten them all a million times over.

Then I started smoking, just to do something without having to think about you. And hacking, lots of it.

I left the House a year or two after you did. There wasn't much point in me staying, now that L's successor had been chosen.

I started doing hacking jobs for money. Random shit. I became, like, silent hacker boy. No words, just type in some codes and get money or whatever. Kinda like Near, except with goggles and drugs. (By the way, I quit before I really got hooked on anything serious. I'm not stupid.) But I got by.

Then, one night, I got that phone call.

I almost dropped the phone when I heard your voice.

You were coming in all staticky, panting, croaking out that you needed help.

I grabbed the laptop and frantically began tracing the call. How the hell did we even end up in the same state, let alone the same city?

My car couldn't get there fast enough. I probably broke a few speeding limits, but I've always seemed to have a knack for evading trouble. My throat closed up when I saw the smoke looming in the distance. If I got there, and you weren't okay…I all but jumped out of the car and ran in, _please be alive be okay oh please please please _I was shouting, calling you name, trying to catch my breath in the ashes, jumping over pieces of wood.

Finally, I found you, in a crumpled heap of melted leather and scorched hair.

My angel boy, the first time I'd seen you in five years, unconscious in a burning mess. But alive.

Somehow I got you out, into the cold night air, muttering "It's okay, Mel, it's okay, you're gonna be fine," more to myself than anything. I saw your face. Half of it seared off, veins almost showing through. I almost upchucked. It felt like crying, seeing you like this.

Sometime later that night, when I got you cleaned up and bandaged on the sofa, I saw you shift a little, and finally open your eyes. You gave a weak, shivery, but wholly relieved smile.

"You came."

I had a feeling that was the only thanks I was going to get. But I didn't mind so much.

You stayed in bed about two days afterwards, resting. You slept most of the time, and when you were awake, you didn't say much, so I didn't either. At one point though, I was just playing on the PSP when you called my name from your spot on the couch.

"Matt. Sit by me."

I came over and sat, but you said nothing. I kept on playing, until I heard your breathing that meant you had fallen asleep.

That was the only comfort you'd take from me. I'd seen it. You were still wild and brilliant, like always, but not in the same way. You wouldn't just argue with people now, but manipulate, and threaten, and kill. You'd gotten cold, like something that'd been caged up too long, and now only knew how to scratch and bite at people. Like the world, whatever had happened, it had broken something inside you, and destroyed the you I knew.

It hurt me, it really did. I felt like I'd let you down. But I just went along with all you told me, setting up cameras, doing surveillance- It was all I ever knew how to do, anyway. We'd sit together in the car, tailing people, not saying anything. It was killing me. I wanted to talk to you, hold you, warm you enough to make that part of you come back to life again-but we were practically invisible to each other.

You'd clammed up, too. We both had.

Well, that day finally came. When I saw you from my spot in the corridor, talking on the phone, in my gut, I knew it was over. The way you were hunched in the chair like that, with your head buried in your hands-You _knew_ you'd lost, and you were accepting it, just like that. I'd never seen you like this before- you seemed so… _helpless_.

I felt like crying. I was about to turn and go, but you stopped me.

"Matt."

I turned. You must've known I was there.

"Come sit by me."

So I did, plopping on the couch next to you, waiting.

I didn't have to wait long.

"It's just so _stupid_," You said. "I'm just dying, dying to save the kid I've been trying to beat, and for what? What the hell was the point of all this? No one's going to remember me, or thank me-nothing I did made any difference. I was just some-_toy_ in his schemes. I killed people, Matt, I _killed _people, I tortured them- and for what? NOTHING!" You brought your fist down on the couch in rage. Your eyes were filling up now, and put you head in your hands again with a shaky sigh. "I don't want to die," you whispered, and began sobbing.

Not like the heartless mafia boss you'd become.

Like a child.

The angel child that I had always loved.

I picked up your chin, wiping away your tears, kissing you. Right out of Humphrey Bogart-Ingrid Bergen kissing you. Hard. With everything I'd ever felt for you. What I had wanted to say, what I'd never felt the need to. With all the reassurance that you'd never need to be afraid, or alone, or unloved, because I would _never, ever leave you._

We did everything together that night. I held you, kissed you, moved with you, I whispered your name, _Miheal_, like an ancient golden treasure no one had heard for centuries.

Later that night, I watched you next to me, curled up, asleep, so beautiful and perfect.

I'd searched my whole life for you, my angel boy. And I'd found you again.

Let this night last forever, I thought. Let the day never come.

But, of course, it always does.

And now, here I am, lying beside my car, face pressed into the gravel, in a pile of my own blood with warm lead lodged in my chest. Everything's going static, like a computer, memories flashing, bites whirring out of control. Wonder if computers feel pain?

But you know, I think this is all still okay, somehow.

I did what I promised didn't I? I looked out for you, protected you, loved you. I died fighting for you, I stayed with you always. I'm dying to help you, so now you can go do your thing, save the world.

Just like Aerith.

I can taste the blood in my mouth mixing in with the cigarette smoke. Guess that's it now.

_See you soon, my angel boy…_


End file.
